Shit My Kids Say: Vol. 1

Pulling out of the drive-thru at Wendy's.
Me:  Niyah, where's the drinks?
Aniyah:  Right here, hold on.
(Passes drinks to the front.)
Aniyah:  Oh, and sorry I had to drink a little from them because they were spilling.
(I look at my cup and it's only 3/4 full)
Me:  So, it was overflowing so much that you had to drink one fourth of it?
Aniyah:  Umm...haha.  Yes?


Fixing myself before getting out of the car.Chloe:  Mom, let's go.
Me:  Hold on Chloe, I just need to fix something.
(I reach into the glove compartment and pull out a pair of scissors)
Chloe:  Mom, what are you doing?
(I start trimming a couple overgrown eyebrow hairs)
Chloe:  (Mortified) MOM!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?  NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT!
Me:  What?  Chloe I'm just making it straight.
Chloe:  Oh.  Em.  Gee.  Can we just get down already?


Gripping my son's shoulder before crossing the street.
Trace:  Mom, can you quit crinching me?
Me:  What?
Trace:  You're crinching me.
Me:  What the heck does crinching mean?
Trace:  See, pinching is like this (he makes his pointer and thumb do a pinching motion) and crinching is like this (he curls and opens his fingers into a claw shape, like grabbing a handful of jellybeans).
Me:  That's not a real word.
Trace:  Well, just stop crinching my shoulder already.