Tuesday Tips: On Picking Your Battles

Anyone who has been in a serious relationship knows that it isn't all sunshine and roses and champagne.  Sometimes it gets tough.  Really really really tough.  And if you're a smart, strong-willed, confident, passion-driven person like me, chances are it's hard for you to just bite the bullet sometimes (or at all) especially during a disagreement.  And, it's damned near impossible to do so when you're right - and you're always right.  Right?  RIGHT.

Unfortunately, life isn't all black and white or right and wrong.  There are lots of gray areas that you need to figure out and lots of in-betweens that you need to balance.  A relationship is one giant grey area.  Winning an argument against your spouse or significant other doesn't necessarily make you feel good about your win.  Sometimes you have to be wrong.  Sometimes you don't need to add in that last remark.  Sometimes maybe you just need to shut the fuck up and let it go.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying to be a doormat and have people walk all over you.  If it's important, speak up.  But, if it's an argument about who's to blame for the toilet paper facing the wrong way or who's turn it is to take out the trash or cook dinner - get over it and move on.  What are you really gaining by winning that argument?  You're both in a bad mood at the end of it so who really wins?

If you don't know how to pick your battles and how to let go of the little things, you'll lose sight of the bigger picture - the partnership and love that you both share.  Little arguments will turn into bigger ones and those big arguments can ultimately ruin everything if they get too out of hand.  People can say hurtful things they don't really mean or do things out of spite when they're angry.  Don't let one hurtful comment or one selfish act ruin your entire relationship. 

Think.  Take a step back.  Let it go.

Just so you know, my relationship is FAR from perfect.  Joey and I argue, we fight, and sometimes we say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment.  But, we also know when to stop, how not to take things too far, how to walk away from an argument and not take it around with us, how to apologize, and how to forgive.  There is still a lot that we need to improve on both individually and as a couple.  But that's a relationship: learning and growing together.

What do you do when you get into an argument with your spouse/significant other?  How do you both resolve the situation?  What are some things you're trying to work on?